So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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