I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
