im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
