jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
