I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
