can we get nightvision for the apartment?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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