put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
