He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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