this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
