Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
