Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
