if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
