my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
