So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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