Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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