Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
