She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He shit in the fireplace
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
