I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Drunk is not a location!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
