Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize