grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
