I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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