The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
