Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
