All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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