I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
