He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
