I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
