Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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