I wish life had little blips of pornography
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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