The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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