It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
