We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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