After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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