I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
