Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
