I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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