I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
