the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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