"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
