I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
