White coat. Heels.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
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how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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