dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
