Who did Billy Mays play for?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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