you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Porn is love you can see.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need moral support for this bender
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
