I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
