Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
