She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
