Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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