I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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