I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
