Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
