I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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