the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
