Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
