wrigley field is MILF paradise
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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