The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
