That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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