It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
