Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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