I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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