Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm too high and old for this...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
