ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
