Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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