glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
