He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize