Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
