I just saw a hot homeless man
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
